Dog Park Etiquette for Humans

Dogs figured out park etiquette thousands of years ago. Sniff, play, share sticks, move on. Humans, however, continue to struggle. This guide is for you, the biped on the other end of the lead.

Rule 1: Pick Up the Poop

This is not optional. This is not negotiable. Your dog pooped. You saw it happen. The other twelve people at the park also saw it happen. The bag dispenser is right there. Use it.

"But I ran out of bags" is not an excuse when you're holding a phone that costs more than some cars.

Rule 2: Your Dog Is Not "Just Playing"

If your dog is pinning another dog to the ground while that dog screams like it's auditioning for a horror film, that is not playing. Please intervene before someone writes a strongly worded post in the neighbourhood Facebook group.

Rule 3: Ask Before Treating

Not every dog can eat every treat. Some dogs have allergies. Some dogs are on diets. Some dogs will take your entire hand along with the biscuit. Always ask the owner first.

Rule 4: The Phone Can Wait

You brought your dog to the park so they could run and socialise. If you're buried in your phone the entire time, you'll miss the moment your Labrador discovers mud. And trust us, you do not want to miss that moment. Mainly because you need to stop it.

Rule 5: Small Talk Is Mandatory

You will be asked what breed your dog is. You will be asked how old they are. You will share this information with a minimum of four strangers per visit. This is the social contract. Embrace it.

Rule 6: Don't Bring Food for Yourself

Eating a sandwich at the dog park is an act of breathtaking optimism. Within seconds, you'll be surrounded by every dog in a half-mile radius, all giving you the eyes. You will lose that sandwich. It's not a question of if, but when.

Rule 7: Leave the Retractable Lead at Home

Inside the park, dogs run free. The retractable lead turns you into a maypole and everyone else into an obstacle course contestant. Nobody wins.

Rule 8: Accept That You Will Get Dirty

A strange dog will put its muddy paws on your clean jacket. This is the price of admission. Dress accordingly.

The dog park is a wonderful place where dogs make friends and humans stand around in slightly damp clothing making small talk. Follow these rules, and you'll fit right in. Ignore them, and the Facebook group will hear about it.