How to Take the Perfect Pet Photo

You've seen them on the internet: perfectly lit, beautifully composed photos of pets looking majestic, soulful, and cooperative. You think, "My pet is cute. I have a camera. I can do this."

You cannot do this.

But here's a guide for trying anyway.

Step 1: Find Good Lighting

Natural light is your best friend. Position your pet near a window. Watch your pet immediately leave the window and go sit in the darkest corner of the house like a tiny, furry vampire. Follow them. They will move again. This is your life now.

Step 2: Get Their Attention

Hold a treat above the camera. Your pet will look at the treat with laser focus. You will take the photo. In the photo, your pet's eyes will be crossed and their tongue will be out at an angle that suggests a minor medical event. Delete. Try again. Repeat forty times.

Step 3: Accept the Blur

Pets exist in two states: completely motionless (when you're not holding a camera) and vibrating at a molecular level (when you are). Every photo will feature some degree of blur. This is not a technical problem. This is a spiritual one.

Step 4: The Costume Situation

You bought a tiny hat for this photoshoot. Your pet is wearing the tiny hat. Your pet hates the tiny hat. The photo you get will be a blurry streak of fury with a tiny hat flying through the air. It will be the best photo you've ever taken.

Step 5: Embrace the Outtakes

Here's the secret the pet photographers won't tell you: the "perfect" shot is a myth. For every gorgeous photo you see online, there are approximately 300 photos of a pet mid-sneeze, mid-yawn, looking at something behind the camera, or displaying an expression that can only be described as "profound disappointment in you specifically."

The Real Tip

The best pet photos aren't the perfect ones. They're the ones where your cat looks like a gremlin, your dog looks like they've just discovered existential dread, or your hamster is a single blurry orb. Those are the photos you'll laugh at for years.

Take the terrible photos. Keep every single one.